Friday, 4 November 2016
I've been reading a few of my last posts and am struck with how similar things still are in regards to my diabetes management. I still feel frustrated and tired from walking along this tightrope. I still feel hopeful that maybe one day it will be better. I'm not sure that it ever does, the act of managing diabetes is still as consuming as it will ever be. But it's my response, my feelings that can change. I like to take hold of that.
Much has changed for me, personally. New job, new house, new marital status. These have been keeping me wonderfully happy. There's been that niggly thing of diabetes in the background, it hasn't skyrocketed out of control but purely being happy also doesn't equate for ideal control. So I'm dipping my toe back into the blog world. Perhaps writing again will help? Maybe it will, maybe it won't. Will never know until I try.
Friday, 12 June 2015
I'm feeling a bit down at the moment but I think it's important to focus on the positive. I'm moved out to a new place on a farm with my fiance. It's bigger, warmer and the kitchen is amazing. I love it! Something about the peace and quiet keeps me sane. I also had my lowest A1c level in about 8 years, due to hard work as well as starting on the pump in Oct 2013. Work life has been all over the place due to a turnaround of staff but we have a lovely lady now on board for our team of three and it should be settled for the next 9 months and generally means my work load is lighter.
What I'm struggling with is the forwards and backwards nature of diabetes management and generally lifestyle management. I had an appointment with my Diabetes Nurse Educator and my a1c had gone up 12 points (just over 1%) and since joining the gym in March my weight has also gone up. ARRRRRRRRGGGGH
I cried at my appointment. Not at the numbers themselves but at the backwards slant the numbers has taken. It's so bloody frustrating. It feels like one step forward three steps back. My DNE is great though, she took one look at my a1c and said "You are not getting enough insulin". Something about that statement made me okay with it. As if, it's not all my fault. We tweaked basal and carb ratio rates.
I felt terrible leaving that appointment but I think it helped to build resilience. I'm pretty determined to up the gym sessions and increase the healthy foods. I don't necessarily think I'm doing anything too wrong but with moving house, sickness and general stress in the last three months has meant an unhealthier lifestyle. Then again, maybe I do need a heck of shake up in order to make the changes I need. We've also talked about me starting on some metformin and my DNE was very clear to say it's not to say that I've failed but that my body is generally insulin resistant. I'll try it because I trust my DNE but I hate the idea of being on more medication and I hate that I can't change my lifestyle in order to prevent this.
I'm feeling determined but I've been in this place before and the stagnation of not having better management is soul destroying. I have spent years trying to get my a1c below 7.5% but I just struggle to break that barrier and simply, I have not had an a1c that low in about 9 years. I was diagnosed 11 years ago and don't have my a1c numbers from then so it's highly likely the last time I had an a1c that low was prediagnosis. It's a goal that's been in my mind for the last 3-4 years. This week I felt a huge sense of frustration and felt like the numbers/test results/levels were consuming me. I'm trying to ride this feeling for a bit instead of blocking it away. It's shit. But life can be like that. I think human nature can be too muffling to negative feelings. The response to having a bad day is usually one of solutions of how to fix it. Sometimes it's a shit day or shit week and that is just that. I'm trying to ride that feeling, I don't want to feel like that again and it's more likely that I won't if I remember that feeling and not hide it away.
It's a long blog post for me tonight. I've had a few feelings and thoughts to sort through and writing helps.
Just gotta keep on keeping on.
Monday, 11 May 2015
Monday, 26 January 2015
Oh hello 2015. You crept up on me!
I like new years, new starts. I feel like i've been given a whole new slate that is open to a world of possibilities.
It's a recurring pattern of mine to start off with a fresh new week/year/month with best intentions if exercising regularly, blogging more, eating healthily, basal testings etc. Eventually my best intentions fall to the way side and I struggle to follow through.
I don't know the best way to combat this but I am determined to bring that a1c down, to exercise more and to generally feel healthier and I know that blogging keeps me on track!
Wednesday, 24 December 2014
Saturday, 15 November 2014
This morning I woke up with 7.2mmo/l and corrected this. I was happy with this number in general but because my target is 6 I chose to correct this. My correction dose was 0.65 units.
This is another reason to love an insulin pump. The minuscule amounts you can bolus means, in theory, a better control than on Multiple Daily Injections. On injections I wouldn't correct until I went over 10mmol/l.
I think it's important to stop and be thankful for the little things sometimes. Even if by little, I mean a 0.65 unit bolus.
Also. Got the 11 years, no complications from my endo recently. Very refreshing to hear that.
Friday, 19 September 2014
It's been awhile since I felt like writing. I could say that it's due to my current workload which is pretty heavy but really I think it's because my blood sugar levels have been creeping higher and higher. It's not something I want to admit. So, if I wrote about it that would mean actually admitting it. I'm at a point where I can admit it now.
Blood sugar levels aren't something to hide from though. I think I thought if I tested and corrected I wasn't hiding from them. In reality I was, I was ignoring the above average fasting levels and many other types of levels.
My downfall? Stress. Stress, stress, stress. It was sending me through the roof. Things have calmed down a bit at work now so I am feeling more comfortable about trying to get back in control. I have an A1c test in 3 weeks and my yearly appointment with my endo. I'm looking forward to it, if only to see how "bad" my A1c has been (side note, there are no bad numbers, only bad decisions made with numbers).
My mantra, as it always has been is one step at a time.